Maturity leading to Self Acceptance

At what point do a lot of people actually grow up?
I'm not sure why I have been pondering so often about this lately, but maybe it's because I have been spending a lot of time alone as of late. With Trevor leading training at Pizza Ranch in Independence, he is unable to text me as often as normal. This has led me to a lot more time to think.
In the past, this "thinking time" has led to issues. Me over thinking every little thing. But for some reason, this time it's different.
I have been reflecting more so on who I am.
Not who I want to be.
That's the difference.

Through high school, the times I had time to think on my own I was always comparing myself. I wanted to fit in particularly well with a group of four girls. At one point I honestly think I would have done anything for them to accept me. I really tried to become a part of their group and shrugged away from myself. The scary part is that it continued all through high school without me noticing. It actually took me until tonight to realize how wrong I was about myself in high school.
I'm not sure why I'm reflecting so much on high school at the moment, but it has offered kind of a new outlook on things, especially as this semester closes out. I hope I made some lasting friends here. If I was coming back to CUW, I don't doubt that I did. But because I'm transferring, I question this. I know I won't talk to some of them ever again most likely. I mean, over winterim I didn't even talk to most of them.
However, I realized this earlier in the year. At first this kept me from getting closer to these gals, but I regret that mistake already. I excluded myself from coming to movie nights and game nights often at the beginning. I wonder if that was what I did in high school, too?
The answer to that question is no.
I don't doubt that.
I know I wasn't one of them. And I still can't figure out why. But it doesn't bother me as much as it did then. I wouldn't go through the drastic measures I did then if I could do it all over.
They were fun, that's what made me want to be one of them.
I've never been one to be super outgoing, rebellious, or even ultimately that fun to be honest.
But now I am okay with that.

It's taken a level of maturity to realize that and to understand that that is me.
I am unsure of what pushed me to reach this maturity, but I certainly hope I am able to maintain this acceptance, especially as summer approaches. I know that I will be living much closer to these ladies again and I hope I do not fall back into the pattern of wishing I would be accepted by them. I don't doubt that I would hang out with them if I was invited, but I don't think the lack of it will bother me as much anymore. I used to have a really hard time whenever I saw them posting pictures on Facebook together, but that won't be the case anymore.