What's the Point?

Wow, never thought I'd end up writing something like this. I'm currently in one of those odd moods where everything is extremely depressing. 

Honestly, I can only think of one thing that would make my life feel like it's any good at the moment. 

I thought it would happen tonight, but naturally, it didn't. I'm beginning to question everything now. 

What's the point?

In A Mood...

I'm in one of those weird moods. I think it's mainly due to the lack of sleep because of an amazing weekend, but it isn't a bad, weird mood. Honestly, I'm feeling rather normal, thus I feel like I'm in a weird mood. I guess I'm used to my mood swinging from either a crappy, bad mood or an amazing, happy mood. So this average mood seems quite strange. 

I guess all in all, I'm happier than I was 2 weeks ago when I thought everything amazing was going to work out. It's not the same type of happy at all, but it's a satisfactory happy. And I think this is what I need for the moment.

Last Night!

Last night was my school's homecoming dance. Talk about amazing! It went by so fast though. I'm not sure what part I enjoyed the most, whether it was the preparation for the dance, our dinner and expedition, the actual dance, or the festivities to follow!

I've never had such an amazing dance! Although there were a few ups and downs in the dance itself, I had an amazing time! Here are a few pictures! (I'm the one in the hot pink dress!)

Me with Kayla, Rae, and Sarah posing in the mirror!

The whole gang!

Me and my Stage One buddy!

Jake, Kayla, Olivia, Jenee, Sydney, Sarah, Me, and Jordan!

Well I'm sure I'll post more about Homecoming 2011 later! Tootles!

Sooner Than I Thought

Wow, it's almost Homecoming! It's hard to believe that this week is Homecoming week already! Saturday is the dance! I can't believe it! Although I'm not going as I was originally hoped, I'm still looking forward to my last dance before my last dance. Haha, if that makes sense at all. I can't believe that it's going to be my Junior Homecoming! That's so insane! It seems like just yesterday I was in 7th grade at a youth group dance! Well I probably won't post again until after the dance. Tootles!

Sore!

Well last night, I had a home volleyball game. Sadly we lost, but we didn't go down without a fight. I'm so sore at the moment though! I had an awesome save in which I managed to fall on top of LG on the bench and then land on the floor by the net within about 30 seconds. That took quite some talent. And man am I feeling that today! Dang!

???

How is it possible you can be so incredibly mad at someone, but not be... mad at them? I try so hard to be mad and I just can't help it! I'll avoid talking to someone, and the next second we're having a legit conversation in the hall way at school. I guess it's just part of my personality. Even when I'm upset I have to put up a front. Weird!

Dang

Wow, how can your life go from absolutely amazing to completely crappy within 30 seconds(probably literally). Don't know how I'm getting over this one.

Obsessed? (& some music!)

Well, I'm currently in my music mood. I'm not sure when I'm not in this mood, but it's really bursting through at the moment! With a weekend filled with music and praising God, I started my usually drab Monday with trying out for my school's praise band, Alethia. While I butchered the audition, I know it was all for God and it is in His hands on whether or not I make it. Back to my music mood...

I'm currently OBSESSED with Taylor Swift's album Speak Now. I'm not really one to listen to country music. And yes, I know, Taylor Swift doesn't meet most people's expectations of country music, but she's on my list of country music. I've been listening to this cd on my iPod nonstop! My favorite song off of it, hmmm... I think it'd have to be Sparks Fly. Okay, who am I kidding, I listen to that song every time my iPod is on! I love Sparks Fly, tis an inspiration of what I want when I'm in a relationship!

More music... Well I just love talking and thinking about it so much! So while we're on the topic, I think music is a huge part of life. Honestly, I think that something that is on my list of what I'm looking for in a guy definitely includes some musical ability. Well, honestly I don't care how musical he is, if he can't keep on key while singing for his life, but is an amazing guitar player, I think I can handle that. But I must say the last two guys I've had crushes on have fallen under the extremely talented category. A range of piano playing, state instrumental for solo and ensemble, and amazing vocals! Talk about an amazing set of talents seen between just the two of them! Wow! Well that's all I have for now!

Messing Up

Ever felt like you're the one that messed up. Yep, that's me right now. I finally felt that everything might be turning around. Then, it hit me. It's my fault not you's. Why is always me. Now I'm stuck regretting my own decisions. Why am I always the bad friend?

Stress!

Wow, I've heard from so many different people about how your junior year is the hardest. I'm beginning to believe that already and it's only like the 3rd week of school! I had so much homework tonight! I just finished!

This is how my day went:

Wake up after sleeping on the couch(my room is being painted and is a disaster)- 6:20 am

Leave house-7:00 am

Get to school- 7:15 am

Stage One- 7:30 am

School =(- 8-3 pm

Volleyball HomeRoom- 4:15 pm

Volleyball Practice- 4:30-7 pm

Get Home- 7:15 pm

Eat & Shower- 7:30-8:30 pm

Homework- 8:30-10:45 pm

Talk about a long day! I'm exhausted and stressed already! Thursday is our school's conference opener for volleyball. It is also the night of the season opener for the Green Bay Packers. We were going to try to get our game moved, because people were a bit upset about having to miss the game, but that didn't happen. So now we'll be playing at the same time as the Packers! Guess which team will have ZERO fans! Yeah, you guessed it, the Blazers. =( I'm also super stressed because at volleyball, our practices haven't been going too well.

I ought to be headed to bed! Commitment is on and off the court. And so far, I'm not holding up my end of the bargain! Tootles!

Sometimes

Sometimes...

I find myself on the verge of tears over stupid things, but sometimes they aren't stupid things to me. They end up being what makes me hurt.

I feel like I have no friends. Yeah, that's what it feels like right now.

I feel like I'm standing in the dark, praying and praying, and I still don't get an answer. And I just keep standing there and somehow the darkness gets darker.

I feel overjoyed thinking about the events ahead of me: high school graduation, college, getting a real job, a family. Then I think about how many things that could possibly go wrong. What if I'm that one person that flunks out of college and end's up on the street. And I can't help thinking about if I never get to start a family. What will I do?

I'm afraid that I'm headed for a dark tunnel that I won't be able to get out of, that's why I have friends, isn't it? But then I look over to those friends that have stood by me in the past, and they aren't there. I have no one to help me walk, so I just fall. And I don't know how to get back up.

I know music can get me through whatever I'm feeling, and then the best songs pop up onto my iPod and I know God is telling me to stop straying from Him. And He hasn't abandoned me, I'm beginning to abandon Him. 

I get in these moods to write a lot. Those are usually the times I'm experiencing some strong feelings about something that I'm confused about. So if you're my friend, and you're reading this, maybe you should reconsider a few things. I'm feeling.... left out.

Think about everything you've done lately. It's probably affected me somehow. And I'm not being selfish. I'm just no longer going to put my own needs below everyone else's. That's what I did last year. And you all now how that turned out.

Talent

Well I think a lot of people are either under appreciated for the talents they have, or they are upright cocky and arrogant about their talent.

But at my school I've noticed we seem to be just at the right level of appreciation and humbleness.

For example, our sports teams put God at the center of everything. This is due to the fact that He has given us our talents and gifts. But our sports' practices on Wednesdays don't go past 6:30 so everyone can get to church services or youth groups. I think that is a great way to show that God is the creator and deserves our thanks and praise for the things He has given us.

Also, for choir, we pray before our concerts and usually mention something about using our God-given talents to the best of our abilities. 

As an auditioned choir, Stage One, we do a Christmas Cantata at all of the area/circuit churches. This was an extremely amazing thing to experience this past year. Not only do we as a whole group get to share our talents with fellow Christians, but we get to share God's word at other places besides the churches. Last year we sang at Lakeland College, the Botanical Gardens, and on Fox 11 News! It was such an amazing thing.

Honestly, anywhere you look you can see people being under appreciated. At my school, I'd say the band program is probably the most under appreciated of all the music programs available. This is kind of sad, because we do have a really good band. In fact, last year we had two instrumental soloists go to state for solo and ensemble. Both are extremely talented brass players. But they aren't like pushy about their talent. In fact they are both extremely humble about it and probably wouldn't bring up that they went to state if you asked them how last year went.

For our sports programs, the softball and girls' basketball teams are the least appreciated. Softball is mainly because everyone is staring at our soccer team. The soccer team generally holding the more popular kids I guess, and a few more wins than the softball team. But I don't think you should just be focusing on the wins all the time. Last year, the pitcher on my school's softball team was absolutely amazing. All-state in fact. And sadly, most people didn't take the time to go to a game. The girls' basketball team is in a similar position. Although we did have a few people coming to our home games, it was no where near what our boys' team got. I find that quite sad. I mean, yes, our boys' team is pretty amazing and full of talented people, but that doesn't mean our girls' team isn't good.

This is just where I stand on a few "issues" when it comes to talent and appreciation. Sometimes I think you just need to look at things a little differently and think about them.

Life Check

As I lay in bed I usually think about what has happened over the course of the day. Last night I just broke down after thinking about the past year.

I guess I feel like that because I'm a PK I need to be... extra-Christiany. I looked back on the past year and it kind of hit me in the face that I've not been a very good witness.

I also realized I try to listen to a lot of Christian music sometimes. Well that's what it used to be like in grade school. But since I hit high school, that pattern has gone down hill. Honestly, I have Christian music on my iPod, but I usually skip past it because I'm sick of it or I don't feel that it is upbeat enough for me. I need to change that. I feel that music is a huge part of my life. And if the music I listen to is influencing my life dramatically, I'm headed down a bad road at this point.

Today I had a "meeting" with two guys from my school, Jordan and Jake. We're going to be singing at Jake's church for their Sunday School Kickoff next Sunday. Jordan and I will be vocal only. Jake will play guitar and do vocals as well. Ana will play violin and do vocals. Morgen will do piano. And Noah will play guitars and vocals. Honestly, I'm super excited. At our little meeting today we picked out the music. We will be rehearsing during our 6 hour, where all of us except Noah have a study hall near our school's music room. I can't wait to be singing with them.

One of the songs we picked was "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North. We watched the video on YouTube at school and I thought I was going to break down in tears because it had a lot to do with what I've been thinking about lately. I looked over at Jordan when the song was done and I'm pretty sure he had teared up a bit. Jake, Jordan, and I looked at each other and then talked about how powerful the video and lyrics are.

So I think you should all check it out:

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

This really put things into a new perspective. And I'm glad God showed me this. It was truly an answer to my prayers recently.