From The Heart

I always think it feels amazing when you do something from the bottom of your heart, and really mean it. So I'm going to write. From my heart. About a lot.

Lyrics are probably one way I really express myself. I've always wanted to write a song, but I don't think my brain quite works like that. I used to write stories a lot when I was younger. In fact, I wanted to be an author for the longest time. I always thought that was the connection I had with my mom. She writes for CPH, so I thought that I would be an author just like her. I don't write much now, besides my journal and on here. My posts have been inconsistent on here, and even more inconsistent in my journal. I miss writing. I didn't really realize that until I looked at the lyrics to a few songs. I was reading the lyrics to "You Are More" by Tenth Avenue North and felt a spark of inspiration again. The lyrics are so powerful, and mean so much. That's why part of them are on the top of my blog. Yes, up there. ^^^        

While I took a lot of pride in writing out words, others take a lot of pride in speaking words. I'm not one to speak in a group. In fact I hate talking in front of people. Or to people. Honestly, I'd rather write you a billion emails or texts, than to speak with you in person. I don't know why, but I just can't get the right combination of body language, eye contact, and words to come together. I tend to become a complete mess when talking to people. Well anyways, some people express themselves through their spoken words. They flow out of their mouths, and it sounds so natural. I kind of noticed this on Friday in chapel. We had a worship service led by my school's praise band, "Alethia". As we 'ended' the last song, Jordan led the school in prayer. You could tell it came from the heart. He could have been in front of a thousand more people, and he probably could have done the same thing. Or, he could have been in front of just one person, and talked in the same way. He's a speaker. You could tell just by how he spoke his words. It's the same way I hear my dad lead church on Sunday mornings. That natural sense of charisma. Some how I didn't get that gene from my father. I'm not a speaker as I said already. I wish I was though. I wish I could get up in front of tons and tons of people and talk from the heart. To be able to lead a prayer in front of the whole school. I want others to be able to see/hear my faith. 

Testimonies are a really cool thing. So many people have those life changing moments. That time when they really felt God. Although I think some people emphasize their testimonies too much, and put their faith too much into their control, they can mean so much. If I were to tell someone my faith testimony, not too many people would "oo" or "ah", I'll be honest, I wouldn't if I heard my own from someone else. I think that's why I've done some of the things I have done. I wanted to spice my life up. That's where the mistakes began to fall. I wanted something to be added to my life, and that was wrong. I didn't need anything else. The only thing in my life that should matter is Jesus Christ. And that's truly coming from my heart. I need to be living my life out as an example of Christ, so my heart can be a reflection of Christ. Love is one way to do this. If you love others in the same way Christ loves us, they will do the same. It's a chain effect. And to be honest, I've experienced chains start. In New Orleans, July 2010, I went to the National LCMS Youth Gathering. I would consider that event to be a chain of sorts. It was amazing, I've never been so inspired to be a servant for Christ. While down there you felt so compelled and pushed to be a witness for Christ. His love overflowed from your heart without you even realizing it. I wish I could get that love to begin to overflow again. I miss that feeling of constant compassion towards others. And the constant surrounding of others showing love to me. The sacrificial love that Christ has done for me.

That's what is on my heart...