Sometimes

Sometimes...

I find myself on the verge of tears over stupid things, but sometimes they aren't stupid things to me. They end up being what makes me hurt.

I feel like I have no friends. Yeah, that's what it feels like right now.

I feel like I'm standing in the dark, praying and praying, and I still don't get an answer. And I just keep standing there and somehow the darkness gets darker.

I feel overjoyed thinking about the events ahead of me: high school graduation, college, getting a real job, a family. Then I think about how many things that could possibly go wrong. What if I'm that one person that flunks out of college and end's up on the street. And I can't help thinking about if I never get to start a family. What will I do?

I'm afraid that I'm headed for a dark tunnel that I won't be able to get out of, that's why I have friends, isn't it? But then I look over to those friends that have stood by me in the past, and they aren't there. I have no one to help me walk, so I just fall. And I don't know how to get back up.

I know music can get me through whatever I'm feeling, and then the best songs pop up onto my iPod and I know God is telling me to stop straying from Him. And He hasn't abandoned me, I'm beginning to abandon Him. 

I get in these moods to write a lot. Those are usually the times I'm experiencing some strong feelings about something that I'm confused about. So if you're my friend, and you're reading this, maybe you should reconsider a few things. I'm feeling.... left out.

Think about everything you've done lately. It's probably affected me somehow. And I'm not being selfish. I'm just no longer going to put my own needs below everyone else's. That's what I did last year. And you all now how that turned out.